I have lost myself. I have lost the person who I used to be once. I dream no more, I have no ambition, I can’t feel myself being alive, I can’t find that dreamy boy I once used to be. That boy who stayed awake night after night about thinking about freaky sci-fi things. I think Sir Einstein would also be the same if he was born in this country at this time. No one here talks about new things or invention. Everyone is busy in their corporate life. Everyone knows they r not happy either but they continue the same day after day. I see those guys every day, almost everyone around me is suffering from this thing or evidencing same thing. Am I the only one who is corrupted with time or same things happen to every one ????????How can I get myself back??
I can’t share this with anyone as they may think I am going crazy…From my childhood I loved machines, I used to dismantle every toy I was given some of them I can fix some not. I remember once I dismantled a robot given to me by my aunty and can’t fix it made a torch out of it. I was very happy, every night I used to keep it beside my bed. I used to take long hours in the bathroom thinking about some crazy shitty sci-fi things. Time passed and pressure increased gradually.
Oh! Sorry forgot to mention, I belong from a small town in India where Admission test for class 5 was a very crucial thing. I passed it with flying colors and got admitted to one of the elite institutions in my state. At that time, I was addicted to TV so dad cut the cable , (digital set top box was not used that time). One day while I was thinking about some new think that I can do with my little supply, I came up with a plan and made an analog antenna using some telephone cable, cable plug, and FM antenna with that we used to see TV when my dad was not around. My mom was happy as she could continue watching her Indian TV serials. I was proud making her happy.
For some medical problem, I had to leave my school and got admitted to another school in my hometown. I dreamt of having my own lab where I can work on various things of my own. In my class 5 or 6 I repaired an electronic lamp/lantern and made fan using a motor, I had a collection of electronic parts in a casserole. I used to make things out of those junks in my leisure hour. Then came class 9-10 hard time for a mediocre student like us. Mom made me study, the result was not that good, though. It was only 75%, not even good enough to get admission to the school I used to study. So got admitted to another school got depressed. That time I remember Iron Man was released and Amir khan’s “Three Idiots” Again dreamt of being Tony Stark or Ranchor Das Chanchar. Dreamt of being an ENGINEER. Studied hard for JEE, got 71% in 10+2 and got admitted to one of the best private engineering college in my state.Expectations were high being fan of legendary Iron Man. As time passed it was clear to me that all those things are just bullshit only possible in movies and comics. Everyone is not Nicola Tesla and neither going to be Elon Mask. We are mediocre people we have to get jobs in any abcd IT sector-work like dogs day and night & code for their betterment.
In my college life one thing I understood that in our country most of the engineering student come to do engineering for either of the three reasons either they think doing B. Tech is the easiest way to get a job or they are pressurized by their parents or they might be a fan of MR. Stark. And very few of us know something about real engineering. Everyone is busy securing good grade point. A good friend of mine who was very brilliant so-called 8 pointers didn’t even know how earthling works.
Only one good thing I got this time -high speed internet which unlocked the door to many unknown things. I was not interested in engineering anymore, I was able to do many things my fellow students couldn’t do, they had to come to me for those things. My new interest was laptop, computer, and android-new play things. I was upgraded from toys to laptop and computer.
Time passed 4years of my engineering came to end TCS came to our college picked another lot of their toys.
All hopes are lost not even a ray of light can be seen.This system is a Black Hole. Sucks all dream all talent.